The Infamous Black Bird Southern Oregon History, Revised

The Epic Struggles of the Fats and the Leans

Children's Parade, East Main Street, Medford, Oregon July 4, 1904
Children's parade, East Main Street, July 4, 1904

    The ball game in Medford was THE feature of features: one of the most mirth-provoking and side-splitting seances ever perpetuated. it was between the "Fats" and "Leans," and was won in a walk by the "Fats."
    The lineup for the full game was somewhat mixed--in fact it was terrifically, and at times agonizingly, mixed, but at the start it stood: For the Fats--1st base, Mose Alford; 2d base, Zack Maxcy; 3d base, Dr. Bundy; shortstop, Wallie Mahoney; left field, W. O. Orr; right field, O. S. Snyder; catcher, Wilbur Jones; pitcher, D. T. Lawton; center field, Ed Wilkinson. For the Leans--catcher, E. S. Wolfer; pitcher, Dr. Pickel; 1st base, Ed Bodge; 2d base, Harold Lumsden; shortstop, Sam Richardson; center field, Leon Haskins; right field, Jack Beeson; left field, Horace Nicholson. This is how they played ball for the first two innings, but after that the mixup began and there were, at various times, as many as a dozen ballplayers to the side, all doing something most of the time. The substitutes, recruits or auxiliaries, which were added during the game, were C. C. Ragsdale, Carl Narregan, Tom Merriman, Myron Skeel, John Butler, George Cottrell and then some. The score stood 18 to 21, in favor of the Fats. During the first part of the game, Ikey Burnett umpired and the Leans scored many points, but when Myron Skeel took the indicator the Fats commenced to score, and they never made an out until scorekeeper Withington put out a distress flag and asked for an assistant.
    The especially fine plays made were so numerous that space will not permit us to mention them all. Dr. Pickel as a pitcher is a truly swift one, and his down curves were always stopped by the pedal extremities of catcher Wolfer. Lawton also twirled the sphere with the skill of an oldtimer, and those of the balls that catcher Jones could not dodge went up against some parts of his (Jones') anatomy and were caught. Lawton's especial features were the catching of the ball between his knees and his handiness in utilizing his back for a backstop when a swift one came his way that could not be dodged. Sam Richardson made a home run, but just whose fault it was we are not going to say, because of the fact that the ball followed him very closely from base to base, but it was not fleet enough to land at any one base in advance of his coming. Mose Alford is a good first baseman, and there were few if any balls that came his way that he did not stop, while as a batter and base runner he excelled the fleetest of them all. His strides were not especially graceful, but they were far-reaching. Mahoney's run from first to second was very pretty as a sprinting exhibition, but when he reached second there were six of the opposing nine's men standing on the base, and he was declared out because there was no room on or around the base for the Irish. Another amusing and rather strenuous play was when Lawton took a run from first to second. He met Meeker, who was holding down the second base, and after several attempts to dodge the alert second baseman, he proceeded to climb his frame, and not until Meeker was lying at full length on the ground and the umpire had rendered a decision did Lawton step down and off of the man who got in his path--the funny part of this play was that Meeker had the ball in his hand all this time. At one time there were just seventeen men working between second and third to put Mose Alford out--and Mose went out. Ragsdale proved himself a swift pacer and a good catch. Someone sent a fly into Orr's left field, but Orr was at rest by the fence and when the ball got back in the diamond three tallies had been made. Bundy proved himself a good player all around, but it wasn't fair in him to land on second and slide eleven feet out into the field, taking the base with him.
    There were over 200 people in the grandstand, and something over $20 was taken in at ten cents per person. The shouts and laughter which went up from the grandstand told plainly of the enjoyment of the audience. The proceeds, together with about $20 of subscription money, raised in the forenoon was used to purchase fireworks for an evening demonstration, but there were not nearly enough fireworks in the city to use up the full amount, and about $10 were placed in the Lewis and Clark park improvement fund.
Excerpt, "The Day We Celebrate," Medford Mail, July 8, 1904, page 1

Stores To Be Closed at 4 P.M.--No Professional Artists Allowed--
Eligibility Governed by Weight
    A baseball game for the Fats and the Leans for June 23! Any man with the physical architecture of C. E. Whisler will be eligible for one side and the counterparts of Bill, the policeman, will have a chance to join hands with the other contingent.
    E. C. Ireland has been appointed manager of one team and J. F. Summerville the manager of the other, and a formal challenge is to be sent from the tenpins to the keg artists. Stores are to be closed on that day, and the proceeds will be devoted to the Medford band.
Medford Sun, June 9, 1911, page 5

Stores Will Close and All Are Expected To Go to the Ball Park
To See Business Men Play--For Benefit of Band.
    "Fats" versus "Leans." This is not a butcher shop advertising scheme, but a game of baseball between the portly business men of the city and those not blessed with an unusual amount of flesh.
    The proceeds of the game will be given to the Medford Concert Band, which has been furnishing excellent music of late. The game will start at 5 p.m. Friday afternoon and all business establishments will close for the occasion that all interested may attend the game.
    H. C. Kentner is managing the "Fat" end of the affair, while to E. C. Ireland falls the "Lean" end. Both have some speedy pill-tossers who, while they may toss the game away several times, will furnish a good deal of amusement.
    Remember! the game is not for money, but to help the band boys, so come on out and root. If you're fat you'll get lean and if you're lean you'll get your money's worth. It's in a good cause, and you won't regret it.
Medford Mail Tribune, June 19, 1911, page 6

Stores All Will Close Friday Afternoon So That All Can Go
To the Baseball Park and Have the Time of their Lives.
Unique Costumes Are Chosen by Each Team,
But No Description Will Be Given.
    The man, woman or child who passes up the opportunity of attending the ball game when the Leans cross bats with the Fats at the park next Friday afternoon will miss the chance of a lifetime.
    Business men in sporty costumes will cavort for the pleasure of the public, while the box office will cavort for the benefit of the Medford concert band.
    It is rumored that the uniforms on that day will be wonderful to behold, but the members of the teams are keeping the nature of their costumes a dark secret--but this much can be said: The Leans will be very, very lean, while the Fats will be very, very fat.
Umps: Kelly and Newbury.
    The men who will tickle the indicator will be Judge E. E. Kelly for the Fats and Gus Newbury for the Leans. Mayor W. H. Canon will act as judge, to whom all disputes between the umpires will be referred.
    The players will meet first at the Natatorium, where they will don their uniforms. From there they will march to the ball grounds, led by the Medford band. An ambulance and cops will be in the parade to attend to the injured.
Stores to Close.
    The stores will close at 4 o'clock, and the game will start promptly at 4:30 p.m. Everyone in the city is urged to be on hand.
    The Fats will have in uniform the following diamond stars: Shorty Garnett, Policeman Hall, W. F. Rau, H. C. Kentner, Dr. Seely, Glen Fabrick, Fred Weeks, W. H. Everhard, Dick Antle, McArdle, Judge Withington, Judge Kelly, George Carstens, C. W. Wentz and Evan Reames. Their positions have not as yet been announced.
    The Leans will have in uniform: E. C. Ireland, Jack Summerville, John Orth, F. E. Merrick, Gus Newbury, A. S. Rosenbaum, Lon Warner, J. D. Terrill, Haskin, Lee Jacobs, T. Bartholomew, Dr. Hargrave, S. S. Smith, Ed Van Dyke, Joe Brown, Bob Telfer, Frank Edwards and Hicks.
    Admission will be charged as follows: Men 50 cents, ladies 25 cents, children under 12 free.
Medford Mail Tribune, June 20, 1911, page 1

Mayor Issues Instructions to All Citizens Over 10 Years of Age
To Go To Ball Grounds--Band Will Play Funeral March.

Mayor's Office,   
Medford, Or., June 22, 1911.   
    By virtue of the authority vested in me as mayor and police judge of the City of Medford, I hereby order and command all citizens of the City of Medford above the age of 10 years to repair to Court Hall's ball grounds tomorrow afternoon, June 23, at 4 o'clock p.m. to witness the titanic struggle that will there take place between the Leans and the Fats.
    The Chief of Police is instructed to arrest anyone found violating this order. A minimum fine of the price of admission to the game will be imposed in all cases.
    The parade will start from the Natatorium at 4:15, headed by the band, which will play a funeral march.
W. H. CANON, Mayor.   
    Now! I guess you'll go.
    "If you don't, you are a fit subject for the city cooler, and you will probably get yours."
    Mayor Canon issued the above instructions Thursday, which is fair warning to all. A cage has been fitted up downtown, and you must pay or go.
Medford Mail Tribune, June 22, 1911, page 1

Every Man, Woman and Child in the City Is Supposed To Be at the Ball Game Friday--
The Cops Will Get You If You Don't Go Out.

Fats vs. Leans, five innings.
Choice vs. Regulars, four innings.

Baseball Park, Holly and First streets.

Medford Concert Band, which in return
will give free open-air concerts this summer.

Men, 50 cents; ladies, 25 cents;
children under 12, free.

    Tomorrow is the day! The Fats will play the Leans, and the Fats will be very, very, fat, and the Leans will be very, very lean. It will be the one game of the season you can't afford to miss.
    The teams are to meet at 4 o'clock at the Natatorium for the purpose of donning their uniforms. Later they will march in a body, led by the band, to the ball park, where five furious innings of baseball will be played. When this game is over, from the Fats and the Leans will be picked seven men to play the regular Medford team. In order that the game will be close, the regulars will loan the "choice" [team] a battery and agree to make five outs in order to retire the side, the "choice" making three.
    This second game should make a hit--and this may be the only one made at the grounds.
    Manager Court Hall says he will be there all the time sizing up the players for new material for next season. Some of the Leans and a few of the Fats may get on steady.
    It will be a great game. The men in the uniform of the Fats and Leans will be businessmen of the city.
    Medford police will be under the direction of the baseball magnates Friday afternoon. Business and professional men who resist closing their stores will be arrested, with their clerks and stenographers, and fined four bits. The decree has gone forth from the office of the mayor, and Mr. Kentner and Mr. Ireland have issued ultimatums to the public.
    The action of the mayor is to ensure the presence of every business and professional man at the great slaughter of innocents and others in the Fats versus Leans game Friday afternoon. The hour of 4 has been fixed for the closing of all places of business, and the police are instructed to do their duty.
Medford Mail Tribune, June 22, 1911, page 2

All Salaries Have Been Paid and Easy Chairs Provided--
Hospital Ambulance in Center Field
    With unsurpassed batteries and with lineups of men that know their positions to a T, the Fats and Leans are going into the contest this afternoon for blood.
    All the salaries have been paid, and any man who backs down at this late hour will be blacklisted with other coast leagues.
    The Fats waited until the very last moment to choose the lineup, and even now it is subject to change whenever a man of ability can prove it.
    In selecting their twirlers, the Leans chose Rosy [Albert S. Rosenbaum] to railroad the ball through to the catcher; Jack Summerville, the barber, who can give them a close shave; Terrill, who is known to be a good hand at stopping things, will fall on the ball, when it has been released by the batter. The rest of the players were chosen on merit only.
    Being afraid that the Transparents would get too far ahead of them, the Fats also have taken upon themselves the responsibility of framing a lineup with the result of a very large number for the bench.
    With the Beeves the bench position is a favorite, but it is limited to twenty players so a number have been obliged to accept such sundry positions as pitcher, catcher, first base, etc.
    Concerning their wearing apparel, the players are all very sensitive. Being signed up they will have nothing against their managers. But it is rumored that some who favor pink as an official covering have been stung with baby blue and vice versa. The players say, however, that their garb makes no difference, the main thing being to get there in the game. Speaking of the game itself, the Transparents say positively that the entire Beef trust will not last over five innings, and have advocated all along that their team be given something to do to get up circulation.

    In order to get the benefit of the day's work, there will be a four-bit price for men, and for women half price.
Medford Sun, June 23, 1911, page 5

Rain Blocks Arrangements for This Afternoon--
Stores Close Next Tuesday at Four O'Clock So That All Can Attend Game.

J. Pluvius O'Gara,
    The man of weather fame,
Is the one who put the jinx upon
    The Fat and Lean ball game.

He ordered up a shower,
    For he had a quiet tip
That his side might have a look-in
    If he made the fat ones slip.

J. Pluvius O'Gara,
    He's the man to blame for it;
He ordered up a shower--
    Then he couldn't quite make it quit.

    The Fat and Lean baseball game will play next Tuesday afternoon at 4:30. All plans and arrangements have been postponed, owing to the rain which started early Friday morning and still continues.
    There was a great scurrying and hurrying about the city Friday morning to see what should be done about it. It was thought for a time that the clouds would blow away by noon, but as the morning advanced the downpour continued. A delegation called on the weather man, but he held out no hopes for clear weather before Saturday afternoon. And it begins to look as if he had the dope on it.
    Next Tuesday afternoon the game will be played. From all accounts a record-breaking crowd will attend. Over 300 tickets have been disposed of, and this augurs well for the success of the benefit. The Fats and the Leans said they could play ball today, inasmuch as they were robed in bathing suits, but they were afraid of the size of the crowd.
    So the game will be played Tuesday. Managers of both teams say they can keep their men in condition. It is to be hoped that they can, for it would not do to play the game with the men out of condition.
Medford Mail Tribune, June 23, 1911, page 1

Excitement Now Way Above Top Record--One Side or Other One for Beating--
Weather Man Says He Will Be Good.
    Once again we grasp the pencil,
    Once again we bid for fame,
    With these ringing words immortal,
    "You had best see that ball game;
        you'll be there."
    If the rain didn't dampen the ardor of the valiant army of the Fats and the Leans it can't affect you. If you're thin you will be rooting for the long ones, and if you're fat you'll be sitting with the clan on the reinforced bleachers. And if fate has so unkindly willed it that you are neither fat nor lean, you will still be there, terribly torn with conflicting emotions.
    Oh, yes, Mr. Fou, you'll be there.
    The postponement of the Fat and Lean baseball game has only aroused the enthusiasm, and excitement could not be at a more feverish beat. They do say many Fats are losing weight and that the Thins are actually fading into nothing. That game has just got to be played Tuesday.
    In the meantime supporters of each side are posting millions on the result, and kindly disposed friends are inventing names for each team. The Fats will be called Senators, magnates, steamboats, ice wagons, Bill Tafts and Jumbos, while [to] the Thins have fallen titles like rails, shadows, slivers, clothes poles and bank accounts.
    No amount of hard feeling has been thus aroused, and it is hinted that one side is due for an awful beating. Yes, you will be there.
Medford Mail Tribune, June 25, 1911, page 5

Big Game Will Be Played Tuesday Afternoon at the Ball Park--
All Must Go or Be Arrested, Says the Mayor.
    The proclamation issued last Thursday regarding the baseball game between the Fats and the Leans, which was annulled by Jupiter Pluvius, has been issued a second time by Mayor Canon and applies tomorrow. The stores will close, and those who do not go to the game will be arrested and thrown into the pen and fined.
    The Fats and the Leans are keyed up for tomorrow's game, and there will be some splendid sport for local fans.
    The game will start at 4:30 p.m. After the Fats and Leans play five innings a team will be picked to play the regulars, who will loan the new team a battery and will make five outs to retire the side.
The game is to be played for the benefit of the Medford band.
Medford Mail Tribune, June 26, 1911, page 6

Captains of Both Teams Confident of Success--Stores Close for Game--
Costumes Principally Bathing Suits So Rain Cannot Hurt Them.
    Rain or shine, the Fats and the Leans will play that famous game of baseball at the ball park this afternoon for the benefit of the band. As the costumes are composed principally of bathing suits, they will not be inappropriate. The Fats will have the biggest handicap if the grounds are slippery, for once down they will never be able to arise. Betting odds on the Leans have doubled with the heavy cloudiness and the imminent danger of rain.
    The captains of both teams are confident of success. Both say that their men are in the pink of condition.
    The stores of the city will close at 4 o'clock, and the big game will start at 4:30 sharp. Ball players will gather at the Natatorium at 3:45 and dress. Then, headed by the Medford band, they will march in a body to the field of slaughter.
    The game is for the benefit of the band. Admission will be: Men 50 cents, ladies 25 cents, children under 12 free.
Medford Mail Tribune, June 27, 1911, page 3

Cheering News from Professor O'Gara Early This Morning--
Captains Issue Statements
    In spite of the weather (and Professor O'Gara), that titanic struggle between the fats and the leans is to be pulled off this afternoon at 4:30, and all of Medford's wealth and beauty are to be on hand to witness the fun.
    If it rains cats and dogs the teams are to wear bathing suits, and if it is too muddy they are going to slide. Nothing is going to interfere this time. Last night at midnight Messrs. Ireland of the Leans and Kentner of the Fats climbed up to the observatory on the new hotel and made an examination of the heavens. At the conclusion of which Cap Kentner struck a pose like Ajax defying the lightning and proclaimed: "Do your durndest and be dinged. Me and me trusty beeves will be at the meating."
    To which the doughty leader of the Transparents replied (as he made a correct imitation of a flagpole): "We'll play tomorrow if we have to have to do it at Bear Creek."
    So it's on. At 3 a.m. this morning Professor O'Gara dropped into the Sun office, breathless, attired in nothing but a raincoat and polka-dot pajamas and shouted: "It is clearing. There will only be a precipitation of one one-hundred thousandth."
    This looks good. So close your office and invite your wife or your best girl and hie to the ballpark and add to the gaiety of nations and the resources of the band.
Medford Sun, June 27, 1911, page 5

A Thousand People Gather to View Historic Contest,
Featured by Kentner's Ball Gown and Kelly's Pitching
    Well, it's all over but counting the money.
    The long-heralded contest between the Fats and the Leans is now a matter of profane history, and according to Hoyle and Judge Withington the Fats won.
    But the game isn't over if the public can help it. They want to see five more innings played on the Fourth of July, and there is even money offered that the spiderlegs will bring the bacon home.
    The game was terminated by the six o'clock whistle and the decision to put in Court Hall's regulars against a hash of the Fats and the Leans.
    The Invisibles put up gilt-edge ball. Rader was as graceful as a gazelle, and Shorty Miles swallowed everything within a mile of the bag, but the crowd would have none of it. As soon as the Fats and Leans began to dwindle home in closed carriages they melted away like a chunk of butter in a blast furnace.
    The game was as full of features as a ten-ring circus. The best playing was done by the band. The hard work was done by Judge Withington, who kept boxing the score behind the wire cage and tried to keep his confrere Judge Kelly from doing all the batting for the Beeves.
    Everybody there saw Kelly. He pitched like Three-Finger Brown and batted like a Texas leaguer. Cap Kentner, who can give cards and spades to Chance, as a player-manager naturally wanted Kelly to bat all the time.
    The judge made a circle of the bags, and Cap Kentner pounced on him like a hawk on an incubator chicken and sent him to the bat again. But Hawkshaw Withington would have none of that, even though the side on which he has been built was thereby favored and got out an injunction which immediately sent both players to the bench.
    It was then that Cap Kentner repeated the classic phrase "ding dang it," while Kelly was so peevish he went behind the bat in the next inning and gave the league the only chance they had to score.
    Preceded by the band and followed by the ambulance, the two teams filed into the park promptly at 4:23 amid the cheers of the assembled multitude. Professor O'Gara had ordered the sun to come out, and the day was warm. For fear that there might not be enough fans to go around, the players raised parasols of pink and baby blue, which brought renewed cheers from the gallery.
    The grandstand was a sea of faces, and the field was lined with machines in which the beautiful colors of the ladies' dresses mingled with the rosy phizzes of hardworking man.
    The heavyweights didn't wait for any preliminaries but with their side at bat started to fall on the ball at the outset. Antle made one of Summerville's twisters look like [a] pumpkin with the mumps and sent it sizzling for a safe hit. When no one was looking he romped to second and came home on a grounder which Cap Ireland made a fine try after but which cut the grass out to deep right. While Edwards paced for the sphere Antle rolled home, and it was first blood for the fans.
    The Leans tried to get the ball over Kelly's head in their half of the inning, but there was nothing doing around the snow line so a blank was all that they could negotiate.
    The Fats had no pity. In the second Shorty Garnett got out his jug and called for Hicks. The answer was a gentle tap toward the rangy second baseman of the Leans by Moore, which went to Hicks' feet instead of his head, and Moore took second. Then Shorty batted out a grounder which brought Moore home while the president of the Merchants' Association tried to reach second but was caught off the bag while Hicks murmured "re-venge."
    In the mix-up Shorty lost a slight area from his kiltie and was quite put out by having his baseball-ed up. Always a fighter, however, he kept his face toward the bleachers, and reached the bench without serious mishap.
    In the last of the second the Transparents came near scoring. Professor O'Gara picked out an easy one and sent it up as high as barometer pressure allowed, while both Kelly and Kentner got their binoculars on the sphere and started for the point where it promised to drop. The ball, the judge and Cap all came together at the same time, and for a moment it looked like all hands to the free lunch. But the judge caught Kentner and the ball at the same time and wisely decided to drop the former and hang onto the latter. Kentner got his skirts a little dusty, but the runner was out and the golden opportunity had passed.
    Telfer connected with a spitball but was thrown out at first, and Arnspiger tried hard at three of them but missed.
    The third inning was the big doings. Antle started it for the corporations by sending up another skyscraper which put him safe on first. Muller hit another to Hicks which came so leisurely that the great newsgatherer thought it was a scoop, but it proved to be a beat and Antle took second. Fabrick waited for four bad ones, and there were three men on bases. At this point the Slivers pulled together. Antle was forced out at home by the quick work of Professor O'Gara. Billy [Hall], the policeman, swung his nightstick three times through the humid atmosphere and was out, but when Doc Seely connected with a swift one, that brought in Miller, Fabrick and Everhard. On trying to steal home, however, the doctor ran up against O'Gara's deft right arm again and it was three out. Score: Fats 4, Leans 0.
    It was here that Kelly was replaced by Wimer, and [Albert S.] Rosenbaum took first base and Chick Wilson rooster. In center field for the badly nourished, Wimer was like a dish of cream to a bunch of hungry kittens. Rosy picked out what looked like a Talent accommodation and proceeded to first base like the Shasta Limited, while Hicks followed up some heavy stick work by sending a bounder that Everhard couldn't reach, and in the confusion of pink hose and flesh tints four runs came over the plate.
    Cap Kentner did his best to rally his braves together, but they went out in short order, and Wilson came to bat for the Leans in the last half of the fourth with what looked like a Garrison finish. Nor did the Rogue River lieutenant disappoint the ladies in the gallery, for he lined out a grounder that was good for a safe hit and stretched into three. With no one out and Wilson on third the Heavies were having apoplexy. But Muller, who had replaced Wimer, tightened at this point, and Chick got nothing for his pains but fowls. It was hard luck, but the Leans went out in spite of all the Fat infield could do, and with the announcement of the Regulars' entry, the game was over.
    As will be seen by the score below, no errors were made by either team.
                                           AB    R     H    PO    E
Kelly, pt., c. . . . . . . . . . . . 2     0     0     3     0
Antle, 2b.  . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3     1     2     2     0
Kentner, 1b. . . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     1     0
Muller, 1b., p.  . . . . . . . . . 2     1     1     2     0
Fabrick, c.  . . . . . . . . . . . . 1     1     1     3     0
Wimer, p., 1b.  . . . . . . . . . 0     0     0     1     0
Everhard, 3b., ss. . . . . . . . 1     1     0     0     0
Rau, cf.  . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Hall, cf. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Seely, rf. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 2     0     1     0     0
Moore, ss., 3b.  . . . . . . . . 2     1     2     0     0
Garnett, lf. . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     0     1     0     0
          Totals . . . . . . . . . . 18     5     8   12     0
Terrell, c.  . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     1     2     8     0
Summerville, p. . . . . . .  . 2     1     2     1     0
Ireland, 1b. . . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     1     0
Rosenbaum, 1b. . . . . . . . 1     1     1     0     0
Hicks, 2b. . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     1     2     1     0
O'Gara, 3b. . . . . . . . . . . . 2     0     0     0     0
Telfer, ss. . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     0     0     1     0
Arnspiger, cf. . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Wilson, cf.  . . . . . . .. . . . 1     0     1     0     0
Whisler, lf. . . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Edwards, rf.  . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
J. Brown, rf. . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Bartholomew, lf.  . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
           Totals . . . . . . . . . 18     4     8   12     0
    Two-base hit, Antle; struck out, by Summerville 5, by Kelly 2, by Wimer 1, by Muller 1; high jump, Whisler, 1; base on balls, off Summerville 1; hard run after flies, by Seely 1, by Rau 1, by Arnspiger 2; curses by Kelly 19, by Shorty Garnett 1, by Judge Withington 65; umpire, Patton; time of game, four innings, one hour and thirty minutes; scorekeeper, Judge Withington.
Score by innings:                                            
Fats, runs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1     1     3     0
           Hits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     2     4     0
Leans, runs . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . 0     0     4     0
           Hits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3     0     4     1

Medford Sun, June 28, 1911, page 1

    Summy is some pitcher, eh? But he had a close shave when he tried to make a shortcut for home.
    Let George do it--George did. He occupied a seat in the automobile bench.
    Cap Ireland was all there, believe me. And didn't he look just too sweet for anything--just like an unbleached Pittsburgh stogie?
    The only shady thing about the costumes were the bonnets.
    They do say that if Kentner had gone into baseball instead of dry goods he would be throwing gold dollars to the birdies.
    George Carstens says that Chick Wilson has Ty Cobb beaten a mile when it comes to stealing bases.
    Now, really, girls, wasn't Shorty a dear? That puff effect on the bias was so becoming.
    And did you see the Beeves there with their calves?
    It's a good thing Anthony Comstock didn't see that parade, eh, what?
    Didn't Chick look just too English with his trousers turned up?
    If Bob Telfer ever wants a new job, we know where he can get one. There was a scout in the bleachers from the Athletics, and he had his eye on the way Bob went after the hot ones.
    Who was the man who kept up his socks with safety pins?
    It is rumored that the bouquet delivered by the mayor is to be served at the banquet when the Leans get after the Fatties again.
    If Court Hall had only secured the assistance of Cap Kentner where would Grants Pass be?
    Moore could give Teddy a few points on using the Big Stick.
    Brother Hicks looked like a Kentucky thoroughbred stripped for the race, and when it comes to banging the bingles, Harry is all there.
    Everhard and Seely were a feast for hungry eyes, weren't they now?
    What's the matter with the professor? He made a pear of stops that were perfect peaches.
    Will someone please tell me who got all that was left in that tin bucket?
    And now for the return match. There's betting on good ould Ireland.
    Wimer may not be strong on the twists, but he's all there on turning the bases.
    If Fabrick keeps ironing them out in the next game we [will] see the Leans' glossy finish.
    Wilkinson made one of the best hits in the game, over second base. Where was Skeezix?
    Cap Kentner was the cynosure of all eyes. His ball gown was a dream of loveliness. It was cut on tube lines with a full blouse effect in front, caught up in the rear with a bow of ribbon, which gave just the necessary touch of color. The skirt was of the latest flounce pattern, with an underflounce of pink, making a most harmonious whole. The hose was something entirely new, the body being a rich flesh tone, caught up with a garter of baby blue, which was simply dazzling.
    "His umps" couldn't have been selected better. He was too short to be pro-Fat and too round to be pro-Lean.
    Think of all those scratch hits among those uncovered limbs.
    And nobody yelled, "Kill the umpire!"
    Which side was Court Hall rooting for?
Medford Sun, June 28, 1911, page 6

Four Innings Constitute Game--Final Score Five to Four--
Local Business Men Romp for the Benefit of the Medford Band.

(With apologies to all concerned.}
Oh, glory to our Fats and to our Leans,
    Muse, tune thy baby grand and let us sing
    Human invention's only perfect thing
The ball teams that run smoothly, howe'er unclean.
    The motor engine has its faults, they way,
    The airship oft comes down when least expected;
    But in that famous game of yesterday
    Not a single fault the scorer Jack detected.
What's that? He left them out with base intent?
Ah no, his pencil, not his mind, was bent.
*     *     *
The band played. Soon the game began
    With business men conducting the affair--
    That meagre Summerville was there
To take his spanking like a little man--
Conducted on the good old-fashioned plan
    Base hits, no errors, put 'em outs, and sound
    Fats' stalwart old Judge Kelly held the mound
And ball fans yelled as only ball fans can.
*     *     *
Of course the Leans were greeted with loud cheers
    And when the Fats ran on the field, great long
    And loud applause then thundered on our ears.
    (And Arabella, goodness! they looked strong)
And then when Owney walked out to his station
The fans set up a shocking demonstration.
*     *     *
The game began. The skinny boys stood true
    But Kentner's fat ones beat them by a score
    For traitorous wicked curves their pitcher threw
    And when the game was ended, five and four
Was writ in letters large, the board upon
For all to see who would. The band played on.
*     *     *
    To sum it all up, Judge Kelly, barrister, put a lien on the lean goat of the Leans. having only a slim defense, the splinters lost to the leviathans by the narrow margin of one romp around the bags. The score was five and four.
    The Fats had the best of the day, to wit:
    The purse was fat.
    The umpire was fat.
    The scorer was fat.
    Court Hall, owner of the grounds, is fat.
    Both ticket sellers were fat. (Fifer is very, very fat while Henselman is only very fat.)
    Most of the Leans have fat aspirations but don't seem to be able to connect.
    But let us hasten.
    The ball teams gathered at the Natatorium promptly on time and after donning underwear, stockings (the Fats wore pink and the Leans baby blue) and bathing suits, they lined up in the immediate rear of the Medford band and the long march to the ball park was undertaken. Following the ball team [came] Mayor Canon in a machine bearing a large red cross, then came the ballbearer carriage and the ambulance. The Leans carried a banner on which was writ: "The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat." Great crowds lined the streets, and many were the gibes and jokes which were hurled at the dumplings and the stringbeans.
    At the ball park there was a crowd the likes of which Medford has never before seen. The grandstand and bleachers overflowed, the crowd taking to the sidelines. Automobiles by the score were within the enclosure until it seemed that no more could get within the limits. The receipts for the day were in the neighborhood of $500. As tickets were sold downtown, the exact amount is not yet known.
    Then it was that Owney Patton, Medford's veteran umpire, called "Play ball," and the game was on. The Leans took the field. Here was their defense: Terrill, c; Summerville, p; Ireland, 1b; Hicks 2d; O'Gara, 3d; Telfer, ss; Whisler, lf; Arnspiger, cf; Joe Brown, rf. Later in the game Rosenbaum replaced Ireland at first, Wilson replaced Arnspiger at center field, Edwards replaced Brown at right, Bartholomew replaced Whisler in left field. The Fats for their lineup had: Kelly, p,c; Antle, 2d; Kentner, 1st; Muller, 1b,p; Fabrick, c; Wimer, p,1st;  Everhard, p,1b; Rau, cf; Hall, cf; Seely, rf; Moore, 3b; Garnett, lf.
    The corpulent ones opened in the first canto by getting a run. They grabbed another in the second and romped home with three in the third. The Leans could do nothing with the offerings of Judge Kelly but fell on one [of] Wimer and grabbed four runs in the third. No scores were made in the fourth and final although Chic Wilson did his derndest. Muller had replaced Wimer in the box and nabbed a hot drive robbing the leans of the game. At the end of the fourth time was called, as the Fats and the Leans were all in.
    Prosaic prose will not do for a description of the players. I am moved to "poetry."
The Players.
Upon the ball field, cleared of grass and clean,
Malformed, gallumptious, bulbous men they saw
Some like the Medford Hotel, planet reaching--
Some short and stocky, heavy and immense
And yet withal, they bore as half developed
A sort of human shape--yet, o how twisted,
Lopsided, swollen, fat, mal-specialized
As in in and out field, they rolled about,
Babbled of putouts, base hits, double plays,
Tearing their flabby sides or skinny ribs.
*     *     *
A sweet young thing to Frazier in the bleachers said:
"Who are these Fats and awful Leans here gathered--
These strings and bulkys, hummoxing around?
I seem to know their faces; yet their like
I've never met before the wide world o'er."
And Frazier to the query thus intoned:
"They are the fat ones,
They are the slugs
They are the longs and the shorts and ugs;
They are the lumps
They are the strips,
They are the ones who have the thrips,
They are the baseball joy distributors.
They are Commercial Club contributors;
The awful fats
The sweet pea pods,
The picket slats,
The lightning rods;
The attenuated,
The elongated,
The corpulents,
The skinny gents.
Har! Har!
That's who they are!
The Players at Bat.
Ireland was among the first to try
Baring his elbows, spitting on his hands,
With biceps bent and shoulders firmly squared
He seized the weapon by the handle end
And tugged as might some busy little ant
Trying to drag an auto up a hill.
Then Rosenbaum, of S.P. fame,
Strained at the ball and raised it far enough
To drop it on Rau's homemade baseball shoe;
O'Gara tried in vain, then Recorder Bob.
Then fifteen others long and lean.
"What," cried the fans. "Can no one hit
The offerings of Kelly from the mound?"
Then did Chic Wilson, he of the pretty form,
Step forth. "Grant me leave," he cried,
"To try my puny wrists upon the stick."
With comic jeers the boon he asked was granted
And then  *   *   *
                                 Ye Furies! How shall I describe
The marvel that immejut did befall?
Within his gumptious grasp the stick he clutched
One tug the mighty timber reared in the air.
It was a three-base hit--ask Jack.
J. Pluvius O'Gara.
O'Gara, third base, rules the night and day,
Rides on the tempest, causes crops to grow,
Commands the sun to shine upon the hay;
Kills off the fruit bugs, makes the cool wind blow.
And foreordains the future--but oh, my!
A lean among the Lean--of weight he's shy.
Some Observations.
"It's too late to win the ball game," I heard Whisler sigh,
"If you throw away the apples, then you can't have pie,
But the wisest affirmation
In this game of the nation,
Is: You cannot stop the baseball when the darn thing's by."
*     *     *
"When you're out, you're out," says Seely; "there's no use to spout
I rather like this baseball, but I've really grown too stout.
But my brightest observation,
In this one game of the nation
Is: It does no good to squabble when Umps calls you out."
*     *     *
Shorty, you're great; you're a wiz! You're just the grandest there is
Hittin' or fieldin', you're very appealin';
You've put all the rest on the friz!
Garnett, you're a dandy, and say,
I'll bet, whenever you play.
The music's quit playin'--What's that I was sayin'?
Aw! well--don't believe all I say.
Kelly at the Bat.
Judge Kelly, he of the pleasing shape,
Strode to the plate, o'erlooked the fun
As one who craves a shooting match,
Yet lacks the necessary gun.
The fans beheld him with a screech
Of "Get the hook" and "Get the prong."
Some scoffers shouted: "Ed, a speech."
Yet others: "Hit it far and long."
But Kelly simply squared away,
Unheedful of the bleachers' giant shout
Swung hard. He hit it! Say--
The Brobdingnagian struck out.
The Morning After.
(A Song.)
On the fields of our endeavor, when we played in days of yore,
We ate 'em up around the infield and the bags--
But to that old condition we can never come back more
For our "comeback" seems to sorta have the lags.
(Close harmony.)
The Fats and Leans sit silent; found on many an old box;
They daren't lean their backs against the wall,
Their aching muscles need a rub, there's blisters in their sox,
As this refrain they warble, one and all:
My poor old back is bursted, mother dear,
There's a clothesline tied around my running gear.
Can't you coax some kind of ease
And my pains and aches appease?
    my poor
        old back
                mother, dear.
*     *     *
Judge Withington had his troubles, less or more
But here's the way he wrote it in the score:
                                           AB    R     H    PO    E
Kelly, pt., c. . . . . . . . . . . . 2     0     0     3     0
Antle, 2b.  . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3     1     2     2     0
Kentner, 1b. . . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     1     0
Muller, 1b., p.  . . . . . . . . . 2     1     1     2     0
Fabrick, c.  . . . . . . . . . . . . 1     1     1     3     0
Wimer, p., 1b.  . . . . . . . . . 0     0     0     1     0
Everhard, 3b., ss. . . . . . . . 1     1     0     0     0
Rau, cf.  . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Hall, cf. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Seely, rf. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 2     0     1     0     0
Moore, ss., 3b.  . . . . . . . . 2     1     2     0     0
Garnett, lf. . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     0     1     0     0
          Totals . . . . . . . . . . 18     5     8   12     0
Terrell, c.  . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     1     2     8     0
Summerville, p. . . . . . .  . 2     1     2     1     0
Ireland, 1b. . . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     1     0
Rosenbaum, 1b. . . . . . . . 1     1     1     0     0
Hicks, 2b. . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     1     2     1     0
O'Gara, 3b. . . . . . . . . . . . 2     0     0     0     0
Telfer, ss. . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     0     0     1     0
Arnspiger, cf. . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Wilson, cf.  . . . . . . .. . . . 1     0     1     0     0
Whisler, lf. . . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Edwards, rf.  . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
J. Brown, rf. . . . . . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
Bartholomew, lf.  . . . . . . 1     0     0     0     0
           Totals . . . . . . . . . 18     4     8   12     0
    Two-base hit, Antle; struck out, by Summerville 5, by Kelly 2, by Wimer 1, by Muller 1; high jump, Whisler, 1; base on balls, off Summerville 1; hard run after flies, by Seely 1, by Rau 1, by Arnspiger 2; curses by Kelly 19, by Shorty Garnett 1, by Judge Withington 65; umpire, Patton; time of game, four innings, one hour and thirty minutes; scorekeeper, Judge Withington.
Score by innings:                                            
Fats, runs . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1     1     3     0
           Hits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2     2     4     0
Leans, runs . . . .  . . . . . . . . . . 0     0     4     0
           Hits . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3     0     4     1
Medford Mail Tribune, June 28, 1911, page 3

There was another Fats vs. Leans baseball game on July 2, 1913--this time the Leans won.

Last revised July 23, 2013